


Leave Us

by coldchocolate



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Friendship, Gen, Loneliness, M/M, Sad, together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:42:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25767631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldchocolate/pseuds/coldchocolate
Summary: In which Eren is left outside the walls
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	1. chop that shit

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fanfiction, I don't think it's that good but I'm hoping to learn more and get better at this. If anyone ever reads this I hope you enjoy :)  
> Also, it's important to note, although I included relationship tags, they will only be hinted at and not be acted on (or that's my plan). I wouldn't read this if you only want relationship stuff.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But of course, life isn’t easy and Eren seems to have endlessly bad luck.

His fingers are cramping, every jolt riding straight up his nerves, inner dialogue reduced to a constant stream of, “ fuck, shit, fuck, shit”. There’s an ugly, tight, pain in his back from his hunched shoulders and he’s soaked.

Despite the extreme discomfort and unsteady rush of his heart, Eren is struggling to bite back a grin. The Scout Regiment is past Wall Rose, heading steadily towards a town that is supposedly heavily fortified, hoping to claim it as a base.

A green flare bursts over his head and he pulls the reins, his horse stuttering to the right. So far the mission has been pretty smooth, their only setback is the weather, foggy with a constant drizzle. It had set in quickly after leaving but they had continued forward. There had been a few red flares but all titans either taken down or evaded. Eren sighs a little at that thought. Then stiffens. Because he was sighing in disappointment which is entirely not the right thing but also _he really wants to kill some fucking titans._

“Up ahead!” one of the other scouts calls, gesturing frantically. Through the heavy mist, the dull shapes of buildings begin to emerge, the first houses on the edges of the town.

“Eren,” he starts at the voice, then frowns when he turns to find Jean. The other boy is frowning right back.

“What?” Eren responds, then turns to hide his smirk. He successfully kept his voice monotone. _Fist bump._ He doesn’t need a repeat mauling from Levi after the last time he fought Jean. _Never again._ He still has boot-shaped bruises on his back.

“Shithead, I can see that,” Jean says, voice creeping into a snarl. Eren just turns and smiles wider.

“Insults won’t get you anywhere _horseface_ ,” Eren simpers. Jean flinches back, eyes darkening.

“Listen Jaeger. I’m here with a report, if you don’t want it, have fun dealing with Levi,” This time it’s Jean smiling as he makes to pull away. Eren feels that heady rush in his chest and later he could swear he felt his bruises throb.

“No no no, Jean asshat Keirstein come back here right now, hey _come back_!” Eren’s voice has become a rather high pitched squeak which he immediately regrets but also he really doesn’t want an extra beating. Jean laughs and pulls up next to him again. Eren holds back from leaning between their horses and punching him.

Jean relays the necessary messages, including the fact that no scouts have been lost yet. Then he rides away with a few shouted insults. Eren scowls at his retreating back, then feels disgusted at his own little spark of pride. Pride for what? Just because no one has died yet doesn’t mean they won’t. His throat tightens a little so he tries to focus on the thought of slicing titan necks.

Eren spurs his horse and feels that familiar swooping thrill at moving faster. He doesn’t acknowledge the rest of the group, no point in wasting time.

His group is near the front of the entire formation, but Corporal Levi is farther up. Eren leads his horse towards a large clump of trees, tensing as the sounds of other horses fade. Even though there’s always this sort of hunger to fight titans in his chest, that doesn’t mean that the fear of them isn’t there, tightening his throat and filling the silence. _Just think about getting to Levi, relay the report, we’re almost to the village anyway. Maybe Levi will even be impressed. I’m trustworthy, Corporal Shite. Look at me, titan scum safely delivering a message._

It is probably because of his sudden focus on insulting Levi that Eren doesn’t see the large humanoid face leering from behind a tree.

It’s probably because he’s imagining Levi patting him on the back and expressing some regular emotions that Eren nearly rides straight into that large humanoid face and is only saved by his horse rearing and turning at the last moment.

It doesn’t stop him from screeching at the top of his lungs, forgetting every promise to kill titans he ever made, and nearly falling from the horse in his panic to launch a flare. He’s still screaming as he bursts from the grove of trees, his voice only squeaking to a stop when he sees the blurry shape of another squad in the near distance. That's when cold dread hits him over the head and he launches the flare, ghastly red in the mist.

Then he looks back.

The thing is on all fours, head tilted. Its arms are strangely large, sticking out at odd angles from it’s small, thin body. It seems to sag a little, it’s bulbous eyes droopy. It’s completely still, partially hidden in the trees.

_Oh_

That’s when Eren’s mind finally kicks in. There is a titan. He’s near trees. He’s leading this thing towards other people. He has blades.

Eren quickly turns the horse, again barreling straight at it. He takes both blades, hands trembling and some kind of gross part of him knows it’s not from fear. He fires his grappling hooks to the trees above the creature, prepared to spin and slice through the hump in its neck.

But of course, life isn’t easy and Eren seems to have endlessly bad luck.

So instead of easily executing his plan before the titan can even blink, the thing turns its head at an unhealthy angle, eyes locked on him.

Then it jumps straight up and it’s large hand locks around his waist, squeezing so tightly Eren immediately hears something pop. A huge pit opens in his stomach as they fall back to earth and even though his mouth is open the only sound is a tiny squeak.

_My arms_

His thoughts are jagged and kind of floaty, right out of reach and _he’s staring into the titans' eyes and_

_My arms_

His arms are free.

So Eren Jaeger begins to hack, slicing into the thick skin of its fingers, steaming blood spurting, drenching his face.

He’s laughing. Also maybe crying.

Then they’re moving, Eren jostling in its grip, two fingers successfully removed and the titan is running and _oh my god this is an abnormal and it’s running and why does this taste so bad there's blood in my mouth oh my god I didn’t give the report my leg hurts Levi is going to kill me -_

They’re headed straight towards the other squad. They must have seen his red flare. But he can’t set off a black one, horse probably long gone. He can’t breathe and the fingers he cut are already starting to grow back.

So Eren closes his eyes and starts to scream.

He screams so loudly the creature stumbles and squeezes him tighter but he keeps going. Over the thundering of the titans' steps and his own voice, he hears hoofbeats and that just makes him scream louder because he cannot let this titan eat anyone. _He needs to kill it._

“Eren!” He opens his eyes, scream faltering a little.

Levi is staring at him. The rest of his squad have open mouths and utterly confused expressions.

The titan is passing them.

His voice shuts down completely and he just gapes back at the Corporal.

“What the hell Eren?” Levi yells, kicking his horse to keep pace with the titan. Someone fires a black flare.

“Corporal, I-” but then Eren breaks out in a cold sweat and he closes his mouth. The look he is receiving could send him to hell with his head stuck up his ass and a nice little bow for Satan.

“Why haven’t you transformed yet, brat?” Levi asks voice curling not so sweetly.

“Uh,”

“Transform!” another person screeches, and he gratefully tears his gaze away from Levi. Then that grateful feeling turns to ice as he meets Armins' panicked eyes. Armin who he didn’t know would be riding with Levi and who he _could’ve gotten killed because he couldn’t take down this fucking titan._

All of the sound kind of leaves his ears and he droops, just staring at Armin who's clutching his reins tightly. Then that feeling that he only gets when he’s alone and startles awake from nightmares about his mother trickles down his spine. The feeling that's a little bit of helplessness, a touch of regret, and a shit ton of anger.

That feeling tends to make him a little reckless.

So Eren cuts off his own hand.


	2. clearly titans aren't friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stay still or I won't hesitate to slice off your head," Levi growls.

Blood 

Burns that _ hurts stop _

Rush of leaves, blurring 

screaming,  _ so loud  _

_ That fucking hurts _

_ Armin, Mikasa _

_ Okay? _

_ Eren? Eren open your fucking eyes you shit _

Stop 

Crush them, kill them

Help me

_ Eren _

  
  


It hurts, that familiar pulling in his bones, the sucking feeling of skin being torn off, and the burn of cold air. His joints are stiff and his chest is heavy. He’s burning up, panting maybe, head achy and tight.

“Eren you need to wake up,” the voice is soft,  _ why are we whispering? _ Is that Armin? His eyes are open maybe,  _ god the world is spinning way too fast, somebody slow us down. _

“Shut up,” that’s definitely Levi. Was he saying something? God his arm is burning, feels like his muscles are all twisted. 

“Eren, please. We need to stay quiet,” Armin says, voice shaking a little.  _ No ones talking though except for you, we’re whispering. Shh.  _ There’s a loud thud and there's now a piece of cloth being shoved into his mouth. He needs it out, it’s too hot. His skin is on fire  _ why does it hurt so bad. _

“Stay still or I won’t hesitate to slice off your head,” Levi growls. 

“Something is wrong,” Eren says, suddenly his voice extremely loud in his own head. Sweaty hands clap over his mouth.

“Seriously Eren, please shut up,” Armin says. He’s leaning over Eren, blond hair sticking to his forehead, eyes shiny. There's a deep cut on his lip. He licks the blood away. Eren looks past him. Sunlight is slanting through trees, cutting soft patterns in the leaves.  _ The mist is gone.  _

That’s when it all comes back. Eren feels his body spasm a little and he bites down on the cloth. But he wasn’t wrong. Something is really off. It always feels bad to be pulled out of his titan body but it’s not supposed to hurt so intensely after. And usually, he wakes up pretty quickly. But judging by how high the sun is, hours have passed since he transformed.

Levi suddenly comes into his vision. And he is not a pleasant sight. His hair is matted with blood. Eren feels his stomach flip because he knows it’s not titan blood. He has dirt smudged across his forehead and that combined with his intense glare is on the edge of terrifying.

Levi’s lips thin and Eren can easily read the  _ fucking finally _ that he mouths. Then Armin jostles his arm a little and even his fear of Levi can’t stop the shriek that rips out of his lungs. Then he freezes and closes his eyes. Maybe being eaten by a titan wouldn’t be so bad. 

“We can move now,” Armin says, still keeping his voice low. Eren winces, but opens his eyes and tries to sit up, breathing heavily. 

Then he stops.

Because his arm is gone. But it’s not healing. It’s just strips of skin and a jutting piece of bone with clumps of muscles stuck to it, black and tacky. Eren feels himself tilt a little and his throat spasms. Armin is staring at him, wringing his hands. 

“I fucking knew something was wrong,” Eren says. Levi moves to hit him over the head but Armin scrabbles to stop him while also apologizing. 

It’s just the three of them, huddled in between the trees, the silence of the forest weighing heavily, not even disturbed by animal sounds. Levi and Armin have their 3dm gear and Eren can sorely feel the lack of his. The cherry to their sundae is the injuries. Now that he’s sitting up, he can see that there is something wrong with Armins leg, the way he’s moving gingerly is off.

“Where is everyone? Where are we? What happened?” Eren says, voice kind of leaving him. Levi sighs. 

“You transformed and were beating the shit out of that abnormal. But we can assume you attracted other titans because this entire hoard came straight at us. Because of the mist, groups behind us couldn’t see the flares,” Levi explains, tilting his head away from Eren. There’s a pang in his stomach.

“It was sort of a massacre,” Armin interjects, voice hesitant. Eren grits his teeth.

With a quick glare at Armin, Levi continues, “We weren’t far from the main village but you started moving away so my squad followed to bring you back. Last we know, the rest of the Scouts made it to the town

“You were being attracted by more abnormals. Three of them in this forest. We were not prepared to handle them. Fortunately for us, you took down one instantly.”

Then Levi stops and looks at Armin.

“Levi and the rest of the squad tried to take down the other two because you, I don’t know Eren. I don’t know what happened. You just stopped and then your titan was steaming and you started to come out. On your own,” Armin says, looking at the ground, “Did you know you could do that?”

Eren shakes his head.

“Okay well, I was going to help you but one of the abnormals came and was trying to eat you as you emerged. That’s when your arm… Yeah. Then Levi took it down. But the rest of the squad was separated from us, chasing the third one. And we all got injured pretty badly. So I don’t know.” Armin drops his head. 

“What now?” Eren says. The guilt is building in his throat, making his jaw clench and his voice hoarse. Why couldn’t he control himself?  _ They were almost to the village. _ He isn’t trustworthy. Titan scum. The rest of Levi’s squad could be dead. Just cause  _ he couldn’t kill the fucking titans _ . It shouldn't be that hard for him. Now Armin is injured and Levi probably hates him and they don’t have an easy way out. No supplies.

“We need to try and move. Arlert, you go on 3dm and try to look for the rest of the squad. If you reach the edge of the forest without a sign of them, then you have two options. Wait for us or, if our horses are still there, go ahead to the village and see if Erwin can send reinforcements to us. Eren and I will go on foot.” Levi says, standing and adjusting his gear. Armin’s eyes widen.

“But-”

“I trust your judgment. Now go.”

“What if we get attacked?” Eren says, voice harsh. Levi doesn’t turn.

“I can fight without you. But if it comes to it, can you transform?” he asks. Eren looks at his arm stub. It’s not bleeding but it’s not mending either. But he can feel his fever starting to reduce.

“Probably.” Levi nods, then tilts his head at Armin. The blond boy sighs and then gets up, clearly favoring one leg. With a strange look at Eren, he launches his grappling hooks and is quickly gone, the comforting sound of his gear fading.

“Well-” Levi glances distastefully at Eren, “Let’s move.” 


	3. dont relax alone in a forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is well aware he is being petty and a whiny brat.

Levi is moving quickly, green cloak shifting around his shoulders, the movement almost relaxing. He easily moves in the undergrowth, the only sound being the slight rustle of leaves.

All of this silence makes Eren seem especially loud. He’s already slipped twice on wet leaves and every stick he steps on cracks explosively.  _ Fucking asshole, keeps giving me glares, I can’t help that I’m injured and also have way less experience. You should at least cut me a little slack Corporal, you’re the one who told me to transform.  _

Eren is well aware he is being petty and a whiny brat. But his arm really does hurt, throbbing with each step and stumble. Sometimes the flaps of skin catch on a bush and the amount of strength it takes not to cry is impressive. 

This is the moment when Eren walks right into Levi’s back. They both stumble and Eren can tell by the tightness of Levi’s shoulders that he is one mistake away from death. Levi huffs through his nose.

“There’s something up ahead. You wait here and I’ll see if it’s a titan. Don’t make a  _ sound. _ If you aren’t here when I return then I’m leaving you behind.” he says. 

Eren grits his teeth, “What if you need me to transform?”

“I’m not going to engage it, Eren.  _ I _ am perfectly capable of staying quiet,” Levi smirks a little. Eren sighs, but slumps down next to a tree, muscles suddenly very loose. Levi stares at him for a second. Eren sort of does a double-take. Levi’s head is haloed by pale sunlight, contrasted heavily by the dark green of the forest. Dark hair hangs in front of his face and  _ this is the man I looked up to. The man I watched leave the walls. He’s kind of beautiful. _

Then he’s launching away, cloak blustering and Eren is digging his hand into his face and hating himself a little (a lot).

He relaxes back against the tree, still trying to clear his mind of incredibly embarrassing thoughts. Trying to stay alert, he closes his eyes, listening to the leaves and the distant hum of bugs. His arm still pangs when he shifts. But the warmth of the soil and solidity of the tree make him relax, maybe a little too much.

_ I hope Armin is okay. He probably went ahead to Erwin cause that really does seem like the smarter decision. Maybe he’s already sitting somewhere with Mikasa eating potatoes. Jean is probably making fun of me. It is kind of dumb. They must all get tired of hearing about my mistakes.  _ Eren frowns. His mind is taking him down a path he really can't get on right now. Opening his eyes, he tries to relax again. Some sort of bird flits by, silent. 

The loud crack of branches and a breathless scream send Eren leaping to his feet, disoriented, legs heavy. He swings around wildly, then runs forward, ferns catching his legs. Then he freezes, watching a small figure falling, much too high up, limbs flailing.

_ No no no _

He’s still, eyes burning as the person lands flat on a branch, back bending unnaturally. The tearing sound of metal jolts him and Eren begins to move again.

_ Help I need to help _

_ Help _

_ Help me  _

His steps are light and he’s moving so fast and yet he won’t be there in time and the person is slipping, dark hair fluttering and the ground is so close suddenly, the trees are looming, and he looks up and  _ there's a titan in the tree’s clinging to the trunk, eyes watching him, blood staining its lips. _

The person calls out once, maybe a name, and then they’re hitting the ground and Eren loses them among the underbrush. He’s crying maybe, eyes hot and he trips and  _ please Levi, help me, please. _

He’s in front of the body now and the relief crashing over his head is immeasurable, waves of guilt following and he’s drowning in his own head. The body is twisted, limbs twitching, mouth open much too wide, an entire leg missing. Blood seeps into the dirt, staining their white shirt. 

Eren sinks to his knees and he knows he’s gasping, throat aching.  _ But it’s not Levi.  _ It’s a young woman, black hair crumpling around her face, eyes glazing now as she gurgles at him.  _ Probably a member of Levi’s squad.  _ He takes her hand tenderly as she convulses, tears dripping down her face.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,  _ fuck I’m sorry. _ ” Eren bends over, pressing his forehead to her hand. He’s shaking.

“Eren?” 

Before he can say anything, Eren is up, launching himself at Levi. He grabs the shorter man, crushing him in his arms. Nothing comes out of his mouth so he just closes it, biting his lip so hard he tastes blood. 

“Eren, what happened?” Levi asks, voice pitched a little higher than usual. Eren feels him briefly squeeze him back before pushing away. He can’t meet his eyes. He tries to speak but a low groan interrupts him, dull and emotionless. They look up slowly and he hears Levi let out a deep breath. Dread curls in Eren's chest, tightening around his ribs. 

The titan looms far above them, peering expectantly through the branches. A small whimper escapes him. Levi takes his arm and leans close to him, eyes still trained on the creature.

“Run.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting excited to really write this now. I'm sorry the chapters are so short, I'm too impatient ^_^;   
> I hope you're enjoying it!


	4. alone

Eren’s sweating and he can’t focus because his arm is pulsating, the muscles spasming. He keeps tripping, his eyes trained on Levi far above him, trailing a little behind. He had told Eren not to transform, hoping to keep titan encounters to a minimum. Eren had obeyed but was sorely regretting that as he struggled to heal and keep breathing around the cramp in his side.  _ Don't signal Levi asshole, you’re completely capable of running for a long time. You want to be titan fodder? Keep going. _

A small part of him was pulling at his heart because there was still no sign of Erwin or Armin. Eren had noticed the tree’s thinning, growing a little shorter and felt immense relief that had been dwarfed by the fear of night, the sky now becoming dusky blue. The shadows were darker and titans were still dangerous. 

The hum of 3dm gear causes him to look up, Levi moving now just a little above his head. 

“I think we lost it,” he says, eyes forward, jaw stiff. Eren gasps, breath leaving him harshly.

“Do you think Armin went ahead?” he asks, trying to keep his voice low. Levi shakes his head, eyes narrowing.

“Most likely he’s still waiting. Although, he may leave soon if reinforcements haven’t arrived yet. Even he won’t wait for you in the dark.” 

They begin to move faster, Eren spurred on by the thought of Armin waiting alone in the gathering dusk. The forest has become even more pretty, thin stripes of light filtering hazy dust motes and falling leaves. Fall is approaching quickly, signaled by the change of colors. Then his mind turns to food, hot soup with soft potatoes and onions, the signature dry bread of the scouts, a huge glass of water. Maybe an extra grain bar. His stomach aches. 

“Eren,” he slows immediately as Levi lands beside him, ferns rustling, “We’re almost to the edge. Let’s move into the tree’s.”

“Wait-” but Levi doesn’t wait, arms catching around his chest. Eren feels the familiar pull in his stomach as they fling up into the branches. Green blurs around him and he closes his eyes against the sting in his arm, now chafing painfully against Levi’s cloak.

After a moment, their feet touch down and Levi releases him quickly, then catches his shirt as he stumbles. They’re standing very high in the tree’s on a large branch. Levi moves to the side, rustling around and pulls out a flare gun. Covering one ear, he pulls the trigger. They both watch the purple arc, signaling an emergency, bright against the curve of the sky.

“Thought we didn’t have any supplies,” Eren says.

“Thought you knew how to control your titan properly,” Levi answers very unhelpfully.  _ Asshole. _ Eren sinks down, leg muscles pulling and he represses a sigh of relief. After a moment, Levi sits too and pulls out a blade, polishing it against his cloak. 

“Are you sure they’ll look for us here?” 

“Yes. This is where we entered.” Levi points to a tree a few paces away, a deep gash cut into the trunk. He puts his blade away. 

“Wait so Armin should be here?” Eren says. His heart sinks a little. 

“I guess I was wrong. He didn’t wait.”

“He would though. Armin wouldn’t leave me unless he had too.” 

“Hm.” Levi sighs. 

“For real Levi.” Eren stands and takes a deep breath. He startles a little when he notices his arm is finally starting to steam, “I’m going to look.”

“How?” Levi says as he meets Eren's eyes. Challenging him.

“May I pretty please use your gear Mr. Corporal Levi?” Eren asks, voice lilting as he flutters his eyelashes. 

“No.”

“C’mon. Just to check quickly.”

“I don’t have a lot of gas left. You won’t waste it on looking for someone who isn’t here.” Levi says. His voice is quiet. Eren feels heat rise in his ears. 

“Please,” he tries again and is instantly mortified at the crack in his voice. Levi stiffens then shakes his head again. Eren grits his teeth against the anger now building and the ugly fear in his chest. He doesn’t sit back down.

“Levi-” Eren tries, but Levi stands and in an instant is in another tree, back to Eren, eyes trained on the plains beyond the forest. He watches as Levi shuffles around again and he catches a glimpse of a small bag, before he’s launching another purple flare. 

They sit for a long time in silence, Eren watching the woods and Levi the plains. He watches the shadows grow longer and the sky turns a brilliant orange, the clouds turned purple, grey, and glowing yellow. A cool breeze makes him tuck his cloak tighter. He often finds himself distracted by the curling steam from his arm, dancing in the wind. 

A small sound makes him jump. Levi is standing on his branch, eyes heavy. He points to the distance, the glint of green flares peaking far away. Eren nods. They stand together as the Scouts close in. 

“No titans?” Eren wonders suddenly. Levi looks slightly confused as well. 

“Levi!” Commander Erwin’s voice reaches them easily. Levi grabs Eren roughly again as they sling down to a lower branch. Eren finds himself searching desperately for the familiar blond hair and grey-blue eyes. 

“Erwin.”

“Ah. Come quickly. It’s clear for now,” Erwin says. They move down quickly, Eren shaking off Levi’s grip instantly. 

“We have to move now. I will inform you of what’s happened as we ride.” Erwin says, gazing catchy slightly on Eren.

“Hold on. Where’s Armin? Armin Arlert?” Eren demands, shaking slightly now under Erwin's full gaze. He furrows his eyebrows, expression still. Then he turns back to Levi.

“He was not with you?” 

Eren furiously watches Levi’s expression go cold and guilty, “No. He went ahead of us to alert you.” 

“He didn’t reach us,” Erwin sighs, “Unfortunate, he was a valued member. Now let’s move.”

“Fuck no.” The entire squad freezes, eyes swiveling between Eren and Erwin, “I’m not leaving until we find him.”

“Eren…” Levi says, still not meeting his eyes. Eren glares at him, wishing with his entire self that he could kill the corporal with his eyes.

“He knows how to take care of himself. He must be somewhere nearby or somewhere in the plains,” Eren insists. His jaw is achy. Erwin shakes his head, gaze solemn. He signals with his hand and multiple scouts move forward, including Levi. They instantly pin his arms and legs in a way that he can’t move.

“What-” Eren begins, then dread hits him square in the chest.  _ They’ve been preparing for this. To stop me. Stop me from transforming.  _ Maybe he expected it a little.  _ But Levi? Levi was supposed to take care of him. Maybe he was even a friend of some sort. But now he’s here, holding me down. He doesn’t trust me. Has he ever? _

His lungs empty and his head droops. This is much worse than he thought. The scouts begin to drag him to a cart, careful to not give him any space to move. He feels Levi’ hands tight on his arm. 

_ No. I won’t leave without Armin. _

_ I can’t. _


End file.
